Writing and Reading

Thanks, Molly. I really appreciate it–you know, about the explosm.net site. The comics on there are like drugs. Really, really bad drugs. And that’s what makes them so good! I firmly believe that good BAD drugs are just a trip; (figuratively speaking, not talking substance here, in no way am I endorsing drugs, people, I firmly believe all kinds of drugs are bad–except Tylenol, Aleve, Motrin, Nyquil, Dayquil and just about any cold & sinus drug, as those are true gifts from God right there) however, bad GOOD drugs are pretty dangerous.

Again, I digress. As I feasted on the sick display of stick-like figures and their stories of strangeness, I came across one that struck a major artery within my system as far as a true topic to discuss, one I haven’t discussed as of yet–

WRITER’S BLOCK!!!

Hurry, people. Run for your lives. Oh, yes. Writer’s block. The horror.

I make light of this due to my learning experience of battling the so-called ‘writer’s block’. Some of my experiences came from literature that spoke of the concept and gave tips on how to fight it. Other parts of my experience came simply from gritting my teeth, sitting at the computer and literally TORTURING myself to pound the keyboard. Even if nothing I wrote made sense. I utterly forced myself to write. In that alone did I learn valuable lessons about writer’s block.

So, writers everywhere, bold poets, you eccentric screenwriters, lovable ambitious authors, LEND ME YOUR EARS! Let me pour out my knowledge to you if you may be so bold as to hear my words, hear my thoughts. Let my thoughts tantalize you, fondle you, inspire you, motivate you, magnify your power of the written word. Let me show you how to battle the demon of writer’s block….

It’s simple–

WRITER’S BLOCK DOES NOT EXIST!!!!

I see your jaws have dropped. In shock. You ask me, “how can that be??” You want to lynch me, I know you do. You’re in a rage. It can’t be that simple. It just can’t be. Can it be a simple farce? Who’s responsible? Who’s responsible for the hoax that is ‘writer’s block’?? How dare I make such an assumption!

I’m sorry, kids. It’s true. It’s a figment of our imagination.

A FIGMENT!! FIGMENT!! NOTHING!! NADA!! ZILCH!!

Listen to me in plain words again… D-O-E-S  N-O-T  E-X-I-S-T.

You keep trying to refute me, I’m just gonna close my ears, LALALALALALALALALALALALA. LAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Nope. I won’t have it. I’m telling you–writer’s block is about as real as a chocolate uncircumcised phallus wearing a tuxedo and pink slacks. Writer’s block has about as much effect on me as dog urine. Or cat urine. I don’t care about writer’s block.

You ask, “how can I be so confident like that??”

Tell me, how many times have you really felt ’stuck’? Meaning NOTHING at all coming into your head? No. Something’s coming into your head. Something always comes into your head. If nothing ever came into your head, you’d be dead. You’d be a flesh-eating zombie like those zombies in the movie “Dead Alive”, also known as “Braindead” (see this post). You’d be a melon. An empty melon. Someone would have stuck a straw into your ear and sucked out all the juices and flesh and left an empty melon if absolutely NOTHING came into your brain.

I’ll tell you what comes into your brain. Excuses.

“I don’t know where to go from Chapter 10, I’m tired, My head hurts, I’d rather watch ‘Survivor’ right now, I want ice cream, I’m worried that my novel sucks, I’ve got a cold, I’ve got allergies, I’m worried that my novel REALLY sucks”–

I can go on and on and on. Don’t be frightened. It’s okay. It’s the truth. Those are the things we come up with all the time. And those thoughts are so powerful that they manifest this ugly, wretched monster in a tutu, covered in lauan plates and tons of eye makeup and the head the size of Texas–it has a name, and it is called “Writer’s Block”.

We create the block. Us. The ‘block’ is not some outer entity infecting our heads. We are the sole creators of our own demise.

The way to kill that tutu-wearing monster is by (and this is only a suggestion–since writer’s block really doesn’t even exist, there are, in fact, many ways to battle it and win) drinking lots of coffee, SunnyD, Mountain Dew, eating lots of chips, listening to tons of different kinds of music, laughing at nothing, sitting your tired ass down on the chair in front of the keyboard and moving your damn fingers. Move ‘em. Let them go. Picture your hands just having minds of their own and letting them go nonstop. Let them go until your wrists start burning rubber, sort of like tires at the Indy 500. Feel the burn. Feel the stretch! Yeeeeesssssss.

Seriously, stop worrying about how flawed the writing is going to be. That’s the biggest dark seed of the sick tutu-wearing monster. That fear. We fear our writing will suck. It won’t suck. You have to remember that it’s all subjective. Everything is subjective. The world is subjective. *We* are subjective. In my opinion, bad writing is writing that isn’t honest, passionate, true, real. Bad writing is archaic, stilted, stunted, mechanical… PERFECT. In many ways, imperfection itself reveals a story in itself in the most intimate ways, and that’s how any reader actually identifies with any story. We can hear that storyteller. It makes the story real. So, again, don’t worry about the flaws. We all know the truth–no project, no literary work can ever be perfect. Again, because of subjectivity.

I shall reiterate to you all, sons of similes and you men and women of metaphors, you valiant warriors of words–stand and fight the monster! Hold the line! Block the…’block’! Writer’s block. We all stand together. We all stand as one. And writer’s block shall never prevail. Amen.

And to bid you farewell–I shall reveal to you a…revealing…comic from the aforementioned site at the beginning of this post (thanks, Molly) that spurred my stream of thought and topic for tonight. Enjoy. It has enlightened me. I feel enlightened. I feel like taking on the world. I just need to finish my SunnyD, Mountain Dew and coffee.