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Archive for January 18th, 2009

Jan 18 2009

Lord of the Grammar Riddle

Published by roustan under English Stuff Edit This

I was reviewing some of my posts from awhile back and realized I hadn’t posted another grammar riddle for a looooooooooong time. And you know what? NO ONE could guess my last one either Cool. (laughs maniacally)

You all probably read my riddles and then pass out from the schizoid embellism in your brains. I’m sowwy. Okay, so now that you’re out of the hospital and your brains have been repaired, here’s the answer to the last one:

STANZA

And there you have it. So you ready for another one? You think you got the skillz? Game on.

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Iam had to go to the electronics store with his friend Bic to purchase a device that processes meters in mameters, and many of the mameters had magmaters and leters and weters. Iam went one way down an aislemeter and wenteleter lefter to the televisionemeter sectioneter. Bic, of course, crossedeleter the other way toward the video gamelemeter sectionetateler.

Finally, they found their device after checking *6* aislemeters. What’s the name of the device?

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Jan 18 2009

Quote of the Day: Airplane!

(First Jive Dude) “Shit man, that honky

mus’ be messin’ my old lady…

got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head.

You know?

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(Second Jive Dude) “Hey home, I can dig it.

You know he ain’t gonna lay

no mo’ big rap up on you man.”

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(First Jive Dude) “I say hey sky,

s’other s’ay I wan say?”

==========================

(Second Jive Dude) “UH….”

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(First Jive Dude) “Pray to J I get

the same ol’ same ol’.”

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(Second Jive Dude) “Eh. Yo knock yourself

a pro slick, gray matter live performas

down now take TCB’in man.”

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(First Jive Dude) “Hey, you know what they say…

See a broad, to get that booty yak ‘em.”

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(both) “Leg ‘er down ‘n smack ‘em yak ‘em!”

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(First Jive Dude) “Cold got to be!

You know? Shiiiiiiit.” 

- The two black jive-speaking dudes on the plane.

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Jan 18 2009

Beastmaster Porn II: The Return of Dar’s Genitals

Published by roustan under Uncategorized Edit This

Okay, seriously, what is the deal with this “beastmaster porn”? Who wants to search for beastmaster porn, and why does my blog keep coming up on the search? Not that I’m complaining–I always love a few extra hits–but I’m just baffled. Am I becoming a beastmaster porn dealer now? If I am, I haven’t seen any of the material, you know? Go figure!

Maybe I can spin this concept of “beastmaster porn” to something worthy to write about here. Hmm….

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Jan 18 2009

The Ennui Genre: Or “Life Sucks so Bad That Hoover Would Get Jealous”

Published by roustan under Genre Edit This

I read a post by agent Nathan Bransford about a curious topic: the so-called ennui novel. Almost a year ago, actually. You know how some things stick in your head and cook for awhile, and then you can’t help it but take it out and eat it? Sort of like that yummy pork on a stick made in Puerto Rico (aaaah, si, si…. Muy bueno). Well, this concept of male ennui (Nathan calls it) has just put me over the edge. I wanted to investigate the concept.

Would you believe I found NOTHING that classified the term as an actual genre?

Oh, no, don’t get me wrong–I researched and found it clarified as a literary term. But not a genre.

I think Nathan had something going there, though. Mentioning a few fierce titles representing the idea behind male ennui (CATCHER ON THE RYE, FIGHT CLUB), you can’t go wrong calling it a genre. It is. We actually see it all over.

I would even call Robinson Crusoe a story of male ennui. This is, of course, before the rise of the robinsonade (see this post). At the heart of it, the male ennui novel was everything Robinson Crusoe was.

I think the issue with it being an actual genre is the simple fact that the male ennui is exactly that: about nothing. As Nathan said, “plotless”.

I could name a few other male ennui stories–such as DUMA KEY by Stephen King. The challenge of writing like this, though, is letting it stand as a genre without any sub- to it.

Let me back up, though; I’m sure you’re wondering what I mean by male ennui. Sorry. Unforgivable rant.

A story of a male ennui (and an even more interesting question is why we term it as ‘male’) presents a character, obviously male, who truly does believe the world sucks. This male character is bored with life. This male character sees no future in the horizon, no life down the road; he wants, needs, hopes, dreams, but to no avail. You might find this male character working a dead-end office space-cubicle-prison job, day in, day out, day-dead, never-living, always-dying. He hates life. He loathes it.

Then he buys a fast car after snapping in two. He’s had it. He wants to take a road trip to Malaysia and help feed the hungry gnats and warthogs with his lip crud. Because his lip crud has proteins that help them multiply five times faster, and then saves both species from utter extinction.

That’s just one example.

As Nathan also mentioned in his post, sometimes the male ennui novel involves a charming girl who enters into the disgustingly depraved and bored male’s life, rejuvenating him, enlightening him. Which we then have, probably, what is most appropriately called–a dramatic romantic comedy.

So there you have it: male ennui. My life could probably be cast as male ennui, too.

According to Nathan, the ‘genre’ seems to have gone through an uprise. Although he hasn’t mentioned much since then. Come to think of it, he hasn’t really posted query stats for awhile. So maybe it’s still true that many aspiring authors are pulling out ennui themes.

Let’s face it: they’re interesting. They’re interesting because they can be spun in so many different ways. Think of it as uncharted territory. It’s all wild, untamed. And it needs to be cultivated. Many of you have heard of FIGHT CLUB, right? What a spin on the concept of the bored, tired, pathetic, sick, sad, crazed, pissed-off male. The trick is to get a working plot going with this ‘bored’ character (who happens to be male).

Who knows: you might have a real winner of a story. Think about it.

I’ll go stare at the TV and feel the drool drip down my bottom lip now. The world sucks.

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